Title Here
by utano-amaya
Summary: pointless comedy


Title Here  
  
Written by Utano Amaya (hiya!)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not sailor moon, not any other anime, not any big or little company or anything that might be mentioned. I also don't own any money so suing me wouldn't do you any good at all. *Please don't hurt me*  
  
OK, so I'm writing this pretty darn randomly, and it's not really meant to have a point, or a plot, or serve any purpose whatsoever. If it ends up entertaining someone, all the better. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write yet, so beware, it'll be pretty dumb.  
  
  
  
Usagi was running, and running pretty fast I might say. She had to be going at least 50 mph. She was so late she ran right past her destination without noticing. Rei and Mako looked out the window of the temple.  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
All of the sudden Chibiusa fell from the ceiling on top of Rei.  
  
"I thought you were supposed to be falling on Usagi all the time! Not me!"  
  
"It got boring.... Watcha doin?"  
  
"Counting how many times Usagi runs past the temple in her rush to get to the temple" Rei answered casually.  
  
"And betting on it" Mako added, "So far we've already past Ami's bet that she'd run past 20 times, now it's down to Rei and Me. Ami left out of embarrassment, she left her money on the table.  
  
Chibiusa eyed the money and started inching towards it when a thought came to her, "What about Minako? Wasn't she supposed to be here?"  
  
The two teenagers eyed each other. Mako was the first to speak up, "Uh..."  
  
"Well that's informative. Rei was Minako here?"  
  
Rei paused, "She...was..."  
  
"So where is she now?"  
  
"She's dead."  
  
Chibiusa blinked for a moment, "Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How?"  
  
"We...uh...we..."  
  
"We killed her." Mako finished for Rei.  
  
Chibiusa blinked again. "Why?"  
  
Mako paused, "because."  
  
"Because Why?"  
  
"Because"  
  
"Because because why?"  
  
"Because"  
  
"Because because because why?"  
  
"Because"  
  
"Because because because because why?"  
  
Two hours later.... "Because"  
  
"Because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because  
  
because because because because because because because becuase because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because becuase because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because why?"  
  
"You're annoying. You know that?"  
  
"Of course I know that, it took me along time to perfect my irritating skills.... Wait a minute! You killed Minako because I'm annoying?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Then why?'  
  
"Because"  
  
"Because why?"  
  
Rei walked into her living room (she left to get some snacks and take a nap) and watched Chibiusa chant the word 'because' for a minute or so before speaking up, "Is this some new kind of meditation I haven't heard about?"  
  
"Oh Rei! You made me lose count! Now I have to start all over again."  
  
While Chibiusa started over again with her 'because's Rei heard a scream and rush of feet outside, then a yell at the door. She walked up to the door and pulled it open to see a sweaty panting Usagi standing in front of it.  
  
"Oh Rei! I'm so sorry I'm late! I was talking to this really cute guy..."  
  
"What about Mamoru?"  
  
"..." Usagi stared blankly "Anyway I was talking to this really cute guy and I realized I was late and I ran so fast I rushed right past the temple, and it kept happening! I ran past the temple like 573 times!"  
  
Mako perked up, "How many times, Usagi?"  
  
"Like 573!"  
  
"All right! I win!" Mako walked to the table and grabbed Ami's money, then strolled over to Rei, "I believe you have something of mine."  
  
Grumbling, Rei pulled out her wallet and handed a wad of cold hard cash into Mako's palm. Smiling, Mako walked back to the table where Chibiusa was still ranting.  
  
"...because because because because because because why?"  
  
A now happy Mako (she had a wad of cold hard cash in her pocket) was pleased to answer, "We felt like it."  
  
"You just felt like killing one of your best friends, so you did?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"COOL! I get her stereo!"  
  
Catching the hint Mako quickly added, "I get her money, bedroom, CDs, transformation thing, and Artemis!"  
  
Usagi joined in as well; "I get her clothes!"  
  
Rei eyed Usagi, "Umm...Usagi, you don't even know what they're talking about."  
  
"Yeah but it seems to involve free stuff!"  
  
A little anime cliché sweat-drop appeared on Rei's head.  
  
Chibiusa looked up at Rei, "Uh, Rei what's that thing on your head?"  
  
"What thing?" Rei asked annoyed  
  
"That big blue thing."  
  
Rei glanced in the mirror "Ahh! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"  
  
Mako jumped up and smashed a big metal baseball bat that came from seemingly nowhere on Rei's head, the sweat-drop disappeared and Rei fell to the ground.  
  
Usagi took a look at Rei, and then looked up at Mako, "I think you killed her, Mako."  
  
"Oh dang! That's the fourth person today!"  
  
"Fourth?"  
  
"Yeah, I killed Minako too."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yeah, you claimed her clothes just a second ago"  
  
"I get ALL of Minako's clothes? COOL!...But that's only two people, who were the other two?"  
  
"..."  
  
"?"  
  
"Trust me Usagi, you don't wanna know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Somewhere on the dark streets of Tokyo (remember that a few hours passed during the 'because' section) a girl was walking with her hands resting in obviously empty pockets.  
  
'WHY do I always put so much faith in Usagi! I know she's a big dimwit so WHY did I say such a low number? I ALWAYS underestimate her blondeness! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?'  
  
A little boy who called out across the street interrupted the girl's thoughts  
  
"Hey! You have BLUE hair! My mummy says that people who dye their hair are gang-bangers who never went to school!"  
  
Ami looked across the street at the boy calmly, "What's your IQ?"  
  
"180!" the boy called triumphantly  
  
"300" Ami still remained casual, "And my hair isn't dyed"  
  
The boy froze for a moment, then shook himself to 'reality', "You're bluffing! No-one's that smart and there's no such thing as naturally blue hair, and anyway..."  
  
Ami watched the boy ramble for a moment, then growing tired of it called across the street, "Hey little kid, wanna come over here?"  
  
The boy came and Ami transformed into Sailor Mercury, he stared, "Wow! You were NAKED! And now you're wearing a MINISKIRT! COOL!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...just hold still a minute will ya?"  
  
"Sure!...Why?"  
  
"AQUA RHAPSODY!"  
  
And the annoying little boy was frozen in a block of ice. Ami looked at him for a moment then decided that he was probably dead from suffocation and cold by now, so she slid him into the nearest river. (Don't ask me how she pulled a boy in a block of ice through Tokyo in a sailor suit without being noticed, some people are just lucky I guess)  
  
"Wow! Ami! I'm supposed to be the one killing everybody in this fic! I never thought you had it in ya!"  
  
Ami looked from the riverbank to her right, "Mako? How did you get here? I thought you were at Rei's."  
  
"How did you know that?"  
  
"I've been reading the story, besides, I left you at Rei's, remember?"  
  
"Oh Yeah...Hey Ami, where can I read the story?"  
  
"You can't read the story, silly, it's not done yet."  
  
"But then how did you..."  
  
"Mako we never had this conversation"  
  
"But you said you read..."  
  
"I READ NOTHING!!!"  
  
"Alrighty then, you read nothing" Mako was rather scared by Ami at that point.  
  
"Wanna go for a walk?"  
  
"OK"  
  
And the two started walking down the streets of Tokyo; they walked for a REEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY long time, until they came to a curled figure on the sidewalk.  
  
"Who am I? Who are my parents? Why am I here? Why do I keep having these strange dreams?"  
  
Mako looked at the figure curiously, "Mamoru?"  
  
Ami sighed, "I knew it was bound to happen. He's gotten amnesia and been brainwashed so many times that he's forgotten everything again forcefully."  
  
"Forcefully?"  
  
"Yeah, amnesia has become a kind of drug to him."  
  
"How do we reverse it?"  
  
"Do we have to? He'd make a nice slave."  
  
"Think 'Usagi wailing'."  
  
"Okay! Okay! To reverse it we have to bang him on the head again."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"ALL RIGHT! THIS IS THE COOLEST!" Mako's metal bat seemingly appeared out of nowhere once again.  
  
"Mako! We want to revive him! Not KILL him."  
  
"Why would you say I want to kill him?"  
  
"Because that's the bat you used to kill Rei."  
  
"How did you...?"  
  
"We never had this conversation."  
  
"OK then, what should we use to 'revive' him?"  
  
"A wooden bat, NOT a metal one."  
  
"ALL RIGHT!" now a wooden bat appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Ami watched as Mako beat the crap out of Mamoru.  
  
"Um...Mako, I think you should at least pause between each whack to see if he's come back to his senses."  
  
"OK" Mako lifted her bat applying rhythmic blows to Mamoru's head, pausing after each one to see if he was "normal" again.  
  
WHACK  
  
"Lala-lala, Lala-lala, Elmo's song"  
  
WHACK  
  
"Welcome to McDonald's"  
  
WHACK  
  
"Blue light special on aisle three"  
  
WHACK  
  
"Kah-meh-ah-meh-"  
  
WHACK  
  
"When the seal is broken evil will befall..."  
  
WHACK  
  
"Today class..."  
  
WHACK  
  
"Moo"  
  
WHACK  
  
"Kermit the frog here..."  
  
WHACK  
  
"OOPS I did it agai..."  
  
WHACK  
  
"A rose that dances under a jar can only be silenced by..."  
  
WHA-  
  
"Wait! Mako stop!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"This is him!"  
  
"Whadya mean 'this is him'?  
  
"This is him!"  
  
"This can't be him! He's too stupi...yeah this is him."  
  
Mamoru looked up at the two (very hot, in his opinion) girls yelling at each other, bewildered at why his girlfriend's best friends were standing next to him with a...bat, and he was sitting crouched on the sidewalk.  
  
"Um...guys? What's going on?" Mamoru suddenly realized he had an awful headache. "And why does my head hurt?"  
  
Ami looked at Mamoru; "...uh...you...uh...fell. You jumped 18 feet into the air onto the light-post and... fell and hit your head."  
  
Mako looked at Ami, that had to be the stupidest story she'd ever heard. She looked to Mamoru for his response.  
  
"Again? I really need to stop jumping so high."  
  
Mako stared and an anime cliché sweat-drop appeared on her head. The wooden bat in her hand floated into the air in response, bursting into flames and then falling right on top of her. Mako caught fire and was engulfed in THE coolest looking fireball Ami or Mamoru had ever seen. They both were so entranced by it that neither went for any help and Mako burned to death.  
  
Ami and Mamoru stared for a moment, and then Mamoru spoke up "Do you think we should have a moment of silence for her?"  
  
"Na, we already did when we were staring in awe." She looked at the pile of ashes for a moment; "I get all her things, money and clothes and all the stuff she claimed from Minako!"  
  
"Aw, darn! I should have thought of that! ...Uh, Ami? What do you mean 'all the stuff she claimed from Minako'?"  
  
"Oh, she killed Minako earlier and claimed a bunch of her stuff."  
  
"Oh, really? Hmm."  
  
"Hmm"  
  
"Hmm"  
  
"Hmm"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Usagi and Chibiusa were sitting with their legs crossed, staring at Rei's dead body.  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"One of us should probably say something, or this is going to get real old, real quick."  
  
Chibiusa raised and eyebrow, "Like?"  
  
"I dunno, something mournful and regretful."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"I dunno, you figure it out." and Usagi got up and left the room to get a snack.  
  
"..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Haruka!" HARUKA! HA_RU_KAAAAAAA!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"...Uh...I forgot."  
  
"For crying out loud."  
  
"Michiru-mama?"  
  
"Yes, Hotaru?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"For what dear?"  
  
"For breaking your mirror."  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
The small girl held out a teal hand mirror. What pieces of the glass that were left were cracked shards.  
  
"HOTARU!"  
  
"I'm sorry!" the girl started crying in the woman's skirt, "I didn't mean too."  
  
The woman felt a twinge of sympathy for the girl; after all it was just a mirror. JUST A MIRROR? What was she thinking? This mirror was worth twenty times what the girl was worth.  
  
"Hotaru, you realize you will be punished severely for this, don't you?"  
  
"I willing to accept it. It's all my fault, I should take responsibility."  
  
"Good. NEPTUNE PLANET POWER_MAKE UP!  
  
You have ruined a precious mirror, with powers of premonitions, water attacks, and reflecting my pretty face! For this you must pay!"  
  
"Your speeches are getting as bad as Usagi's!"  
  
"Shut up! As your punishment, in the name of Neptune, DEEP SUBMERGE!"  
  
The girl was completely unharmed as the water fell around her. When the water disappeared, the girl was revealed to be wearing an awesome purple and black sailor uniform.  
  
"You tried to kill me!"  
  
Michiru hesitated, " 'Kill' is such a strong word."  
  
"Oh, your so stupid," and Hotaru stabbed her cool blade/glaive thing through Michiru's stomach, who fell down dead.  
  
"Oh, that was kinda a messy way to do it, I should have poisoned her or something."  
  
Haruka walked into the room and looked down, " Is that Michiru?"  
  
"Possibly..."  
  
"Hotaru. What have I told you about killing loved ones?"  
  
"Try not to make a mess."  
  
"And what is this." Haruka gestured towards the bloody Michiru on the ground.  
  
"A mess." Hotaru looked down ashamed, "I'm sorry."  
  
"You'd better be. Now clean this up before dinner."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
~ "You will always be my only love." ~  
  
~ "Then WHY?" ~  
  
~ "Because, if I do not marry Princess Jan the world will come to certain destruction." ~  
  
"That is SO sad!"  
  
"Shut up Usagi!" Tears ran down Chibiusa's cheeks, "I'm watching."  
  
The two girls watched eagerly, their eyes growing wide and teary.  
  
"No Jake! Don't marry her! NO!"  
  
"*WEEP* I hate sad endings!"  
  
Sniff, "Go get me a snack, OK Chibiusa?"  
  
"No, you jerk." Sob.  
  
"If you don't I'll make a decision right now not to have any children." Whimper.  
  
Choke, "OK, you win, for now."  
  
Chibiusa grumbled and sobbed her way into the kitchen where she started making sandwiches (slipping a little bit of hot sauce into Usagi's of course.)  
  
"I'm older that her anyway, 903 years should be enough to get some respect but NOo, she always has to boss me around and...She is so mean, always treating me like a little kid, maybe I should go evil again just so I can kill her...oh except then I would never be born..."  
  
Meanwhile Usagi was bawling so hard in Rei's TV room that the room flooded and she was both drowned and electrocuted by the TV at the same time, and died.  
  
"So stupid, making me get the snacks...Hmm that doesn't happen everyday."  
  
Chibiusa looked down at her hand to find it perfectly transparent.  
  
"Wow...Am I a ghost? Sweet! I can freak out everybody!" Her transparent eyes gained an evil glare as she walked down the hall to the TV room, only to find Usagi Laying burned and soaked on the ground.  
  
"Well that kinda stinks." And with that Chibiusa disappeared from existence.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ami and Mamoru were sitting in the ice cream parlor together having ice cream cones at a little booth in a corner. They were also verbalizing everything they did.  
  
"Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, lick, lick, swallow, tasty, inhale, exhale, lick...."  
  
"Lick, lick, lick, swallow, savor, lick, brain-freeze, lick, lick, inhale, exhale, inhale, lick..."  
  
Just then Hotaru, Haruka, and Setsuna walked in to the ice cream parlor and saw the two eating and verbalizing their ice cream cone experience.  
  
"You guys aren't high are you?"  
  
Mamoru shook his head 'no' "Shake head, inhale, exhale, speak say- 'where is Michiru?' pause, inhale, lick, lick..."  
  
Haruka raised an eyebrow, "uh...Michiru is dead, but what are you doing?"  
  
Ami looked up, "look up, smile, speak-say 'verbalizing everything we do', inhale, exhale."  
  
Hotaru looked at them strangely, "Setsuna-mama, I'm scared."  
  
"That's OK honey, we all get scared sometimes."  
  
"Make them stop, please."  
  
"It's all right honey, they're just playing a game."  
  
"Oh. Haruka-papa, whom I call "Papa" even though you're a girl, are you sure they're not high?"  
  
"I think they ARE."  
  
"I want some."  
  
"Some what?"  
  
"Drugs."  
  
"Maybe when you're older."  
  
"Setsuna-mama? May I have some drugs?"  
  
"Not now dear."  
  
"Oh."  
  
The outers ordered some ice cream and sat down next to Ami and Mamoru to eat.  
  
"So, Mamoru, how's life."  
  
"Speak-say 'good. You?' lick, lick, inhale.  
  
"Uh, I'm...dandy..."  
  
Hotaru rolled her eyes, "Haruka-papa, can you make them shut-up?"  
  
"I don't think so..."  
  
"Then can I have some drugs?"  
  
"Not until you're older and we don't get arrested for bringing you up wrong."  
  
"Oh, poo."  
  
Hotaru looked over at Mamoru and Ami, who were still babbling on like idiots, "Can I shut them up?"  
  
"Oh, whatever. Sure. Go for it."  
  
"Woo-haw!" the girl hopped up, "Saturn Planet Power! MAKE –UP!" she transformed and held out her glaive.  
  
She pointed the blade right at Mamoru's neck and was about to decapitate him when Haruka spoke up behind her.  
  
"Hotaru? What did I tell you earlier about murder?"  
  
"Oh yeah...I have to be clean..."  
  
"Yes and for now I think you should only kill one of them, three in one day might look suspicious."  
  
"OK then." Sailor Saturn turned to Ami and Mamoru, "But who?"  
  
Ami and Mamoru just stared blankly and smiled ignorantly, both speaking at the same time, "Stare, smile..."  
  
She looked the two over, "Ami. Blue hair is just plain wrong. How did I kill her in a non-messy way?"  
  
Setsuna looked through her purse, "Oh good. It's still here." She handed a small vile to Saturn; "Here you go dear."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Poison."  
  
"You keep poison in your purse?"  
  
"Sure. Who doesn't?"  
  
"All right then." Sailor Saturn poured the vile onto Ami's ice cream. Ami continued to verbalize what she did.  
  
"Inhale, exhale, lick, lick, inhale, exhale, fall down dea-" and with that Ami flopped onto the table, dead.  
  
Mamoru stared at her for a moment and blinked. "I'm never ordering ice cream here again."  
  
Haruka raised an eyebrow, "Didn't you notice anything that just happened?"  
  
"No. What?"  
  
"Hey! You're not verbalizing everything you do!"  
  
"It got boring."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Mamoru got up from the table, dropped what was left of his ice cream cone into the trash, and left.  
  
Setsuna stared, "He's weird."  
  
Hotaru nodded, "Yup."  
  
Haruka looked at Hotaru, "Hey why aren't you Sailor Saturn anymore?"  
  
Hotaru looked down at her clothes, "That's strange. I dunno."  
  
The trio finished their ice cream and left (without paying). They went walking around the streets of Tokyo. Then all of the sudden Setsuna stopped and looked around.  
  
"Hotaru? Where's Haruka?"  
  
Hotaru looked around, "Hum, She was here earlier."  
  
"I still am guys."  
  
The two looked around to see a barely visible transparent Haruka, who, after a moment of staring at them, disappeared. Not long after Setsuna spontaneously combusted. Hotaru looked at Setsuna's dead body then looked around for Haruka.  
  
"Strange. Oh well, better get home."  
  
Hotaru began to cross the street but was hit by a semi and killed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Across town, Mamoru was hitting his head on a light pull.  
  
"Come, on honey, make me feel better." And with a great whomp to his head he fell to the ground.  
  
"Who am I? Where do I come from?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Epilogue: ~ Mamoru gave himself amnesia almost every day since then, he never did discover who he was and was very grateful for it. The body of the little boy across the street was never discovered. Ami, Michiru, Rei, Minako, the two other people that Mako killed (you don't wanna know), Usagi, Hotaru, and Setsuna, were all given proper burials. Mako and Haruka were reported mysteriously missing with no one to tell the police what happened and Mako's body only being ashes. Without Usagi to control the silver crystal the world was destroyed by all sorts of evil creatures and was never missed by any of the other planets.  
  
The End  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AN: I know, it's probably the stupidest random thing you've ever read. Oh well. I was bored. 


End file.
